Saturday, October 16, 2010

CASHBACK and Venus Retrograde

When I was a girl, I was undecided if I should go to art school, or study music, as I had played the piano since the age of 4.
I was ambitious, and my sole dream was to be a fashion designer. I had been writing to Schools of Design, Fashion Design, colleges and universities from the 7th grade!
I have never had any other life goal other than to be an artist. I never wanted marriage, kids, real estate, 'stuff'. I wanted to make art.
My beloved Mother, always the practical person, urged me to go to nursing school. She reasoned that I could always find employment in the health care field.
Horrified and balking, I sought the counsel of my equally-beloved, engineer, opera-devotee Father.
Here was my Father's reply: "Study and create art, as this world needs more beauty".
As I progressed in school, going on to graduate school, eventually teaching at the University level, making my way on the exhibition circuit, showing and selling my work, I was very happy and focused.
Circumstances in my life drastically changed, and I eventually became employed in a more "practical" field.
It is not easy to be self-supporting as an artist!
So, I went off to work in a completely different direction than I had ever envisioned.
I few weeks ago, just as Venus went retrograde, I watched an indie film entitled "Cashback".  I did not know what to expect, but the film delighted me with its subtle message that is communicated in a very unpretentious, but excellent  manner.
The film focuses on a young artist named Ben, who is suffering insomnia from a recent break up with his girlfriend.
Ben, who learned to appreciate beauty at a tender age, develops a technique to 'freeze time' in a way as to 'capture beauty'.
I want to illuminate that the young artist's appreciation of the beauty in this world lifted my spirits.
There is so much in this material world that feels painful to me, especially these days.
I regularly restrict the news that I watch or hear, avoid unpleasant entanglements, any ensuing drama, and generally force myself to avoid many human beings for periods of time.
I cope with the suffering and pain in life by sleeping, making art and soap, enjoying my animals, watching the birds at my feeder and tending my gardens.
I find these pastimes to be peaceful, and as close to the natural world as I can get in my urban setting.
The most enjoyable times of my life (and work) have been spent in solitude and silence.
Therefore, "Cashback" held a special lesson for me:  There is considerable beauty in the world.
Is it possible to reconcile an "overly sensitive" nature with the pain of this world by focusing on prolonging the beauty that is in everything natural?
Wish me luck.
I will probably do just fine until I have to drive the car.....and someone crosses my path.
In Love, Truth and So Much Beauty.....

7 Signs You're An Empath

7 Signs You're An Empath

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

So... is there a "Plan"?

Most of my adult life has been weighted in anxiety. I am a worrier....need I say more?
In retrospect, my childhood was gloriously filled with wonder, magic, make believe, the ability to see angels, spirits and a profound understanding of the reality of fairy tales. I had an unshakable sense of security which resulted in loads of self confidence and an odd reservation around other humans.
These days, I hear and read the phrase "All is as it should be", which gives me pause. 
Many times, it is only in looking back that I understand the aforementioned phrase.
Tonight, as is my custom, I routinely went outside to look after the dogs. 
The weather was cool and pleasant. 
The air was still.
I looked up and saw a crystal-clear sky with a few bright stars.
For a brief moment, I was transported back to the days of my childhood. I wondered why the stars were not falling from their celestial spots, or why I was able to stand upright on this constantly spinning rock called earth.
In that instant, I fully understood that all is indeed in Divine Order.
....and it was comforting! 
It was as comforting as I felt when my much-beloved parents were alive.
That flash was transformational.....and I have no idea why it happened or what triggered it.
But for a split second, I truly and deeply knew that "All is as it should be".

In Love, Truth and Beauty......